So Tell Me About That Grass

You know the saying “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side”? Well, Husband got a rude awakening about three months into his extra-marital activities and realized just how true this statement was.

Apparently, SHE was starting to get a little clingy and began expecting a lot more from Husband. It’s all fun and games until your mistress starts to expect more out of you, right?

Early on in our separation, I used to always ask Husband if we could just talk. I just wanted to talk it out all the time. Dissect our problems, get everything out there and maybe, just maybe, we could figure out a way to be together and get back to the business of being a happy married couple again. Unfortunately, Husband was not down for discussing anything with me. He’d tell me that he wasn’t ready and that it just wasn’t time. I eventually stopped pushing.

It’s probably not a coincidence that around the same time that I 1) stopped pushing to talk about our problems and 2) started communicating with Brad again that Husband realized that maybe what he had at home with me wasn’t so bad after all. Mind you, he still hadn’t admitted to me that he was actually having an affair. He always stuck to his story that SHE was just a good friend. The only thing he did admit, surprisingly enough, was the fact that SHE was starting expect more out of him and that SHE seemed to be falling in love with him which for him just wasn’t cool. I found myself sympathizing with him.

Imagine that. Husband complaining to me about his mistress and me giving him advice on how to handle her. What kind of backwards world…?

Eventually, he started coming home more. This change occurred right around the Thanksgiving break. It didn’t happen all at once but I was happy with even just an extra hour of his time. On the weekends when it was my turn with the kids, he stayed at home longer. He even had dinner at home with us more often. Something that hadn’t happened in a long time. And though I would have much preferred to have him home for good, I was satisfied with anything he could give.

One Saturday afternoon a couple weeks before Christmas, he spent the afternoon at the house. I remember it clearly. We had just finished eating lunch and were hanging out in our bedroom while the kids were their bedroom doing their own thing. Husband brought up our plans for the holiday.

I have a large extended family that lives in both Northern California and Southern California. Our tradition is to take celebrating Christmas one year in NorCal, next year in SoCal, back to NorCal the following year, again in SoCal the next and so on and so on. On that particular year, it was our turn to travel south.

I had already prepared myself to make the trek to Los Angeles with just the kids and was pleasantly surprised by Husband’s willingness to go with us. “We should be together as a family for Christmas” is what he said to me. “We really should be together as a family PERIOD” is what I was thinking but I didn’t dare say it out loud.

Even though he said he would be with us on Christmas Day which technically meant that we would be physically together for at least 2 maybe 3 days because we weren’t going to road trip to LA and come back on the very next day. A small part of me thought back to our vacation from hell and wondered if it would be more of the same. But I told myself to give him the benefit of the doubt. Things seemed to be shifting my way. All I needed to do was trust him and avoid making him mad at all costs because I didn’t want him to change his mind.

You might be wondering if we had a magical Christmas that year. A wonderful gift after the hellish Fall season our marriage endured. Then we lived out the rest of our lives happily ever after.

Not quite.

Because Husband was too far into his affair with HER and it wasn’t going to be that easy for him to end things. It was going to take more than just realizing that I wasn’t such a shitty wife after all. He was in too deep and was soon going to find out the magnitude of the shit storm he created.

So unfortunately no. Things didn’t get better for us after that. In fact, things got much worse. Far worse than I ever imagined.


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